so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wish there were birth control emojis
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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