She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
