Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She announced her abortion via fbk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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