You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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