It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
