You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
