so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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