Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
