Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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