my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
