Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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