too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
