it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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