allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
