That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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