I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
