did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
