Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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