I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
