Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
