I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
