I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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