Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
