We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
