someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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