When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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