Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
