I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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