He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
