dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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