Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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