God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
