Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
