I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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