he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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