Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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