so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
