she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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