my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
