Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
