it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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