the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
