Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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