Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
