If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
