Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
