i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Still dying that you shit outside
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
