new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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