she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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