The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
