i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
