Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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