he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
