You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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