she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
