my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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