I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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