Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish my penis had a tongue
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
