Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
third nipple confirmed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
