Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
be right there i have to get my cape
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
