Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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