but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How external is "for external use only"?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me that man meat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
