he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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