do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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