community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
