if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then my night got REAL pukey
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
