A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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