I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
