My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
