Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
