dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
