I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
