just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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