Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
