He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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