her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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